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Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

OK, EHarmony Sucks…

Posted by Karl Withakay on January 5, 2010

Susan, 39 of Ellis Grove, IL, I guess we’ll never know what might have been.

A few months ago, I signed up for EHarmony, for the same reasons anybody does: I’m single and not seeing anyone (something I’d like to change), and don’t really have any outlets to meet anyone.

Before I describe my experience so far, I need to explain the EHarmony process since most people won’t be familiar with it.

On Eharmony, you use a directed communication process where you receive a match, and if you are interested in the match, you send the match a series of multiple choice questions. If the match is interested in you, they reply to your questions and send their own questions. The next step is where you exchange a list of must haves/can’t stands. After that comes an exchange of short answer questions. The last step is open communication between you and your match, essentially mail messages using EHarmony’s message system. At any time, you can close the match if you are no longer interested, or you can just stop responding if you are either rude or if you aren’t really interested but don’t want to permanently close the match in case you can’t find anything better.

My experience so far hasn’t been very productive.

On EHarmony, I have only had two matches respond to my first round of questions, and as time has gone by, I have gotten less and less selective about sending the initial round of communication. One match got all the way to open communication before she decided their wasn’t any chemistry (which there wasn’t really, yet) and closed the match. The other match has been sitting at the “Waiting for her Must Haves/ Can’t Stands” phase since November 22nd.

I have also very recently had one match initiate the communications process herself, and that got all the way to open communication, where she sent me a message that she liked all my answers to her questions and was interested in communicating further with me, but she was using the free New Year’s weekend promotion from EHarmony, which was going to expire at the end of the day. She provided me her email address and asked me to contact her via email if I was also interested. I was interested, but didn’t have time to send her a well composed email at the time, and planned to do it the next day.

The next day when I logged back into EHarmony to get her email address from the message, I found that the match was closed because the user’s account was closed, and I could not view my past communication with the user because the user’s profile is no longer available, which is where her email address is, which sucks.

Hey, EHarmony, I am still a paying customer, why can’t I review my past communications with people who are no longer on the system? What if I want to review my answers and communication to help me answer and communicate better for the next match? What kind of free service is it if you erase it at the end of the free trial? Here’s a coupon for a free car wash, but on Monday, we’re going to come and throw a bucket of the muddy wash water on your car unless you pay us for the car wash. That’s not a trial, that’s a demonstration.


Posted in Internet, Online Dating | 17 Comments »

Attention Women Seeking Men On Line:

Posted by Karl Withakay on October 19, 2009

If you are a woman looking for a man on an online dating service like Match or EHarmony, here’s a few words of advice on crafting your profile.  This list applies specifically to things that catch my eye or turn me away, but I think it probably applies just as well to a good portion of the guys out there on the services.

Things to Mention to Generate Interest.

-You like watching movies and TV, especially Sci-Fi, horror, and action flicks.
-You like playing video games, especially Xbox360.  (Mentioning the Wii will only get you half credit.)
-You like watching sports.
-You enjoy a good drink now and then.
-You’re OK with sometimes staying at home and watching a video instead of  going out.

Things that will cause guys to look at your profile and pictures, but might not generate as many contacts as you think they will.

-Mentioning you’re bisexual.
-Saying you’re sexually adventuresome.
-Talking about how big your boobs are.
-Mentioning that you’re not looking for a serious or long term relationship.  Hint, if he’s looking on Match or EHarmony, he probably is looking for a long term relationship, and not scared off by a woman who says she’s looking for the same .  (OKCupid is another story.)

Things that will cause a guy to loose interest instantly.

-Mentioning that your divorce is not yet final.
-Mentioning health problems.
-Mentioning that you’re broke or don’t have enough money to complete school.
-Mentioning how fervently religious you are and how important God is in your life.  (Why are you even winking at me; did you just look at my picture without reading my profile?)

Things that will have no impact whatsoever.

-Saying you are funny, sarcastic, optimistic, intelligent caring, and interested in having fun or are interested in a match that is funny, sarcastic, optimistic, intelligent, caring, and interested in having fun.
-Saying you are looking for someone who is confident and knows what they want in life.

OK, now that we’ve established you are exactly the same as everyone else on Match and EHarmony, how about saying something to differentiate yourself? (Has anyone ever said they had no sense of humor and were a pessimist, stupid, indifferent or cruel, and hated having fun when looking for a match?)

Other things to keep in mind

Don’t mention anything you don’t like unless it’s a deal breaker.  He’s probably got dozens of matches that have been delivered to him, and he’s looking for anything to use to shrink the list to a more manageable size.

Right or wrong, this is the way I translate the answers to the question, “Do you want children?” on Match.


Yes, as soon as possible; I’m baby desperate.


Yes, when the time is right.

Note sure:

Maybe, (Likely leaning towards
yes, but it’s a big choice, and wants to make sure the situation is right.

Probably not:

No, but I don’t want to look
like a child hater.

No, but it’s OK if my partner
has kids:

Lots of different potential
meanings to this one that all boil down to, “Read my lips, No new
children in our lives.”

No, I don’t want kids:

Straight forward and self

(This table came out a little weird, but I know about jack squat about HTML, and reversed-engineered a table as best as I could.)

That is all for now.

Posted in Deadpan, Humor, Internet, Online Dating, Thoughtful/Random Observation | 1 Comment »

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